too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
