i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
