You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
