he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
