My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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