I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
