If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
