you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
