just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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