I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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