But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
cat food counts as protein by the way
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
