Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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