if only i could text you this smell
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
