I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
