shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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