Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
