Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The Olympian is in my bed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
