he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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