New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
