What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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