she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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