I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just high enough for therapy.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
