I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
