if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
