Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
