Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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