i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
