Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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