How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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