so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
