just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
