I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so let's talk penis.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
