also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
