I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
