Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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