garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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