If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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