I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
