it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Everclear isn't food dammit
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
