Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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