I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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