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She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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