I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
