I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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