After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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