wrigley field is MILF paradise
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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