Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
