i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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