she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
