I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
