Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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