You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
