best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
this just has baby written all over it
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Randomize
