No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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