I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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